Zero Holds His Tongue

About The Author

About the Author
My full name is Kevin Nielsen.

My serial number is longer than the VIN of my car, which always gives me a headache, so I won’t include it here.

My rank is undetermined, but my files are definitely corrupted. I tried to avoid making painfully bad puns on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but all other days are fair game. Additionally, I am on a sarcasm curfew — any sarcasm before 10 AM, or after 7 PM, is usually punished with a slap to the back of my head.

I don’t know if I’ll ever come back and update this page… if I do, I’ll probably post a picture of myself. Or possibly several pictures — me as a hippy, me as a concert pianist, me playing lacrosse, and me as I imagine myself (a cut out of Brad Pitt’s head on Arnold Schwarzenneger’s body). In retrospect, it is perhaps best if I don’t update this page.