About the Author
My serial number is longer than the VIN of my car, which always gives me a headache, so I won’t include it here.
My rank is undetermined, but my files are definitely corrupted. I tried to avoid making painfully bad puns on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but all other days are fair game. Additionally, I am on a sarcasm curfew — any sarcasm before 10 AM, or after 7 PM, is usually punished with a slap to the back of my head.
I don’t know if I’ll ever come back and update this page… if I do, I’ll probably post a picture of myself. Or possibly several pictures — me as a hippy, me as a corporate hatchet man, me playing polo, and me as I imagine myself (a cut-out of Alan Rickman’s head on the body of one of the country fokes from Deliverance). In retrospect, it is perhaps best if I don’t update this page.