According to my household accounting software, the cost of maintaining our cats (as in, maintaining them in the style to which they’ve become accustomed) amounts to a mere $473 per year, or $39.41 per month. Not too bad, you’d say; your bare-bones cellular plan probably costs more. And compared to the cost of a car loan… it’s nothing!
There are hidden costs, however. Consider my list of damages:
- Sony Headphones Lite ($24 retail, chewed)
- USB 12′ Gold Connector ($42 retail, chewed)
- Sony Headphones Lite ($24 retail, masticated with prejudice. For reference, I used “masticated” instead of “chewed” to underscore the fact this isn’t an accidental duplicate. Ralph really has munched his way through two of these.)
- Pet Deposit ($100 “special” — unfortunately, our bedroom carpet does get used as a scratching post periodically)
- Chiropractic bills ($26/month, incurred as a result of bad spinal posture imposed by the weight of one or more cats on your chest while sleeping)
All told, my calculations reveal that the cats are costing me an additional $41.83 per month in other accounting categories. In other words, there is a hidden 106% cat ownership tax.
Non-pet owners, I urge you to think twice. Do not let yourself be swayed by the propaganda we’re surrounded by:
(Unless, of course, you find the propaganda delightful…)
